Emergence

this is what I made in Marisa's amazing

Painting in a Day class at Squam

Emerge! they say, as though it were easy.

You're safe, they urge,

their own colors

dazzling

my eyes.

We wait for you to join the dance,

their invitation swirling in the air,

lingering

as though they'd wait forever,

paused

in anticipation,

expecting me.

But first, I must learn the steps, I think.

And they just smile, knowing, and

hold out their hand, waiting.

If I start, maybe they won't let me stop, I think,

I can't keep up with those who've gone before.

It only takes one step, said one.

Just one, and then you'll see.

Your dance is all your own,

one that can't be seen

or felt,

or done at all,

ever,

anywhere,

unless you take

the step.

Your dance makes ours better.

As though a veil was lifted, suddenly

I see the truth.

All the dancers, are beautiful and free,

in step, but each one different.

Each taking one step.

And another.

And another.

A symphony of single steps,

the harmony nearly too beautiful to bear.

They stop to see what I will do,

making room for me.

I see my place, my opening,

my heart racing, sinking.

I take my first step.

I remove the mask,

made by me and the voices of the world.

They gasp in surprise and recognition and joy.

I am one of their own.

As I set my foot upon the stage,

I catch a glimpse, a sliver of my image,

as I am caught up and swirled away

in the arms of my new tribe.

I see me.

For the first time, maybe.

And for the first time,

in such a long, long time.

I see.

That I

Am

Enough.

*this is what came tumbling out in my journal the other day, on the inspiration of a little stone I found in the woods at Squam, with the word "Emerge" painted on it. Its scary and raw feeling to put this out there. And really, really good.

How Emme Found Her Mojo...

Ahhh, Squam. The magical, mystical place where amazing souls come together to create, emerge, breathe. That's a fancy way of saying we had a blast! I really can't believe I was there. I can't believe I met the people I met. We joked that all our imaginary friends from the blogosphere had crawled out of our computers to meet at this wonderful place.




Kicking it off with my Squam BFF Stefanie, when we shared a ride from Boston to the lake with the best cab driver ever Leo. Leo, Leo, Leo. Married for 46 years to his college sweetheart, and drives an airport shuttle run in his minivan just because he loves it. He took Stef and I to a diner for breakfast after a long night on the red eye cross country, and gave us a tour on the way up. Oh, Leo, we won't forget you. Have fun in Florida this winter!

The magical Jen Lee, led the most wonderful writing workshop on trusting your stories, and being brave in the telling. I'm proud to call you friend, Miss Jen. xoxo

The wonderful Marisa. Who frustrated me by not teaching me any technique (at first) in my painting class, but just encouraged me to start. And guess what? She was right. It was enough.



And hip, fabulous Hula. Who taught the most amazing Through the Viewfinder photography class. I'll see you in Portland soon, my friend.



I feel like I've found my tribe, my peeps, my soul-sistahs. Here's a few more of them...

Jen Gray
Liz Lamoreux
Judy Wise
Kirsten Crilly
Jenny Doh
Jennifer McGuiggan

And so many more. The air was crisp, (bone crunching crisp, but I digress) and I was exhausted by the red eye flight + time change, but I felt like I was living a dream, so far removed from my regular life, and yet so much like coming home. I'm so thankful to the mistah for being so incredibly supportive of me, my dreams, my wishes. He makes me feel like anything is possible. And indeed, I feel like I've crossed a threshold of possibility. I just have to remember to keep walking, trust the journey, babystep, babystep. Thanks to the amazing, beautiful Elizabeth, formerly known as Blue Poppy, for having such a magical dream. You helped me find my own.

Coming Soon...

Hello to all my lovely readers, old and new. Just wanted to post something new, so you know that I've not abandoned this space! I've just returned from my lovely visit to Squam and I think I just may have found my mojo. :) I'm planning to be posting pics and lots of new thoughts and favorite things soon.

Stay Tuned....

I'm back!

Hello blog. I've missed you, sort of. Actually, I've been having a really good time in real life. Trying to really stay present in each moment. Remembering who I am, getting back to basics, to the things I know for sure, what matters most. I can't believe its been so long. I'll let the photos do most of the talking.

We finished up T-ball season. The boy was totally in his element. He was sad it was over "already".

My babygirl turned...

Spring finally came!

With summer not far behind.

My middle girl wow'd us all at her violin recital. I'd post a video but we're having technical difficulties getting it out of hubster's phone and onto my 'puter for some reason. You'll just have to trust me. It was amazing. :)

I got busy around the house. I've been painting my head off. I've painted the kitchen and all the bedrooms. Here's our totally redone room. It used to be dark, cozy, brown walls, red curtains, and very, um..."lived in". Not anymore.

I can't believe that is the view of my room from my bathroom. I want to take a nap now. :)

Other than that, its just the little surprises of everyday life...

Ordinary joys...



That's making time go by so fast.

And So It Begins...

My boy has wanted to play baseball for as long as he has known what baseball is. Here is the unfolding of a night of firsts, a night of a dream come true for my sweet boy.

Here are all the fella's. The Braves. A team of "Doug Newberrys" (quickly becoming the team inside joke...notice the fine print) My little Doug Newberry is #2.



OH. Be still my heart!





GO TEAM!!!





OH! Be still my heart...





Sorry...did I mention the hubbo is coaching this year? HOT!


Anyhoo, let's get back to the action! Check out the look of total anticipation and joy. Bubs is about to take his first swing, in his first game. Ever.




I so want to write "RUN, FORREST, RUN!!" here.




AND, he's safe!




He's a natural, I tell ya!




And here he comes, rounding the bases, for his first run scored!! Ever!! (Again, note the total-joy-moment on the face)




Can I just say again...I LOVE LOVE LOVE this boy.

I'm still here!

Oh, its been a long time since I posted! Time seems to be flying right now! Much has happened since the last post. Getaway weekend with the hubster, an outdoorsy family weekend, and the SUN made a brief, but glorious return. I'm feeling like I'm reaching a place of sort of arriving at the starting gates if that makes any sense. I've done so much wishing, dreaming, soul searching as of late, I think I'm finally ready to get to the DOING! I'm getting into a fairly good rhythm of writing, and I've even sent a few things out for publication! Woo-hoo, go me! I don't think I'll hear anything back for a few months, but I'll keep you posted! There's been a lot of good, good soul reads lately, May Sarton's "Journal of a Solitude", Sabrina Ward Harrison's "Spilling Open", Christine Mason Miller's "Ordinary Sparkling Moments", and the works of Mary Oliver are filling my mind and heart with lots of new inspiration. There's more, but I want to get on with the photos!! (I'll update my Random Books list soon!)


Sorry, just have to start this off with this pic of my middle girl at her class presentation on Australia. How cute is she?! (she's the one in the uh, middle)



I got away with my hubby for a weekend in Arizona. I think this may count for #15 on the list . The Grand Canyon really is quite grand. The jacuzzi tub in our room was pretty grand too.



We went away with some friends to their amazingly huge property in Oregon. My kids were in absolute heaven. There were horses, boats, fishing, and general stomping around in the bush for 3 days straight. They came home completely exhausted, but totally happy.



And THEN...the SUN came out! Glorious, heavenly sunny warmth blessed the Northwest for exactly 3 days. It. was. awesome!



When the sun went away, I took the kids to see Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3D Imax. Please excuse the serious camera shake on this next one. Trying to shoot in the dark without a flash is tricky. Still, its kind of fun that it actually kind of looks like a 3D photo! Maybe if we all put on our glasses it will be clear! Taking them was a total blast, and the movie was very fun. The best part was seeing my kids totally enchanted, wearing their ginormous 3D glasses. Including the babygirl, but unfortunately not in the picture, as she was sitting in my lap. Another reason for the camera shake!



My oldest daughter has suddenly become a HUGE help taking care of her baby sister. Here we are at the kids hand's on museum. These two shared some serious sisterhood while we were there. Too cute!



They have a magnetic poetry wall there. These words stood out to me like a little message to my heart.



I will try to get better at keeping up here. Thanks for checking in!

Having Fun

I had a wonderful gift of time given to me the past few days. My mother in law took my littlest one for a few days of "special time with Grandma" so that meant I had some extra special time with my boy, and by myself. The boy and I went into the city, to the science center to be exact and had a total blast. He really is a fun little guy to hang out with!

OH, OH, and look what I made! I have to say that I feel a mix of pride that this my first foray into mixed media collage turned out pretty cool for a first timer, and also I feel a bit lame-o since its a total copy of Kelly's style, and I just followed her directions in her awesome book. I am really interested in pursuing this artistic medium, but I wonder how I will ever come up with my own style? I suppose I'll just keep trying, and see what happens! This collage is made up of bits and pieces of copied pages of my grandmother's journal. She wrote down little anecdotes of my first 5 years of my life. I've always cherished this, but I recently found entries that were particularly meaningful to the journey I currently find myself on, that is, becoming a writer, artist, and who knows what else. She actually saw little bits and pieces of this back then, and wrote about them, not knowing how important it would be to me now. Also, she was a frustrated artist and writer, and I want to honor her, as I move forward in my own vision for an artistic and literary life. Her words are there, cheering me on as I remember my "inner child" who thought she could do anything, and loved words as soon as she knew what they were, saw beauty everywhere, and thought birds were "magic in the sky". I'm going to put this up somewhere, to be my little muse whenever I need a bit of help. Oh, and the child's writing is mine. Its an actual post card I sent to my Grandma from Colorado where we were on vacation in 1976, so I was 4 years old. Its very likely the first letter I ever wrote. It says, "My bed is cozy, It is nice here." 'Nuff said, right? I like that its like a little message back to Grandma, telling her that all is well with me, 30 years since she passed on (30!, wow), and her words mean a lot to me. I remember now. Thanks, Grandma. Love you still.